And yet I dont seem to care
by KM-Sama
Summary: How Yuki feels about the intrusion of Shuichi in his life and how he sees the changes the pinkhaired has triggered in him. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW... ONEGAI


[WARNING]: This is YAOI, if you don't know what this means, don't even bother to read.  
  
[DISCLAIMER]: Gravitation is not mine... damn it!! *shakes fist* the only thing I do own is this little fic and its not that good T_T  
  
[A/N]: Written and afternoon when I had nothing better to. This was originally in spanish but its only until now that I got to translate it, please let me know what you think. There might my typos and grammar mistakes but I tried my best to keep those at the minimum. PG-13 for references to sex... on with the fic.  
  
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::AND YET... I DON'T SEEM TO CARE::  
  
by: KM-Sama  
  
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Sometimes I would like to know, you know, why am I like this. Beyond what people thinks of me, I believe -or at least I like to think that way- that there's more in me, its just that its hidden below all this cold and aloof exterior, underneath all that ice that I tried so hard to cover myself with and that its been doing a grate job to keeping people at distance during this past years, that is of course... until he came into the picture.  
  
The truth is that I don't know what was it that brought me to him, or better said... I don't know, and I don't care. All I know is that ever since the fist time a saw him all went to hell. The coldness, the indifference, the ice... they all crumble to the very ground to leave what?, well me... did it?. To tell the truth I don't know anymore and neither do I care about it to be honest, I don't care because -even thou I'm never going to admit it- I like the way I am when I'm with him. I know, I know; know what you think and know exactly that I don't seem to really change when he's around, but I do... really I do. To begin with, my smile is back, I don't know where was it all this time and neither do I care in the slightest, I just know that its back and all thanks to him.  
  
My little pink haired angel, and hyperactive angel, lets not forget hyperactive; but I think that its what I like the most about him... not; it fascinates me about him, his hyperactivity. Something I could never be, or at least not anymore, not after... lets not talk about that, not when I'm thinking about my beloved baka.  
  
Oh and I know what you're thinking, that I keep telling that I like him and that I adore him -because I do- and that I change when I'm around him and so on and so forth; but you don't see anything tangible of what I say, don't you?. Well then let me tell you something, if I hadn't really changed... if he hadn't really changed me, I wouldn't be here to being with. I would have shot myself a long time ago or I'll keep living on my little self destruction path, the one that includes a life time supply ruining me liver with all that alcohol that I drink everyday -or I used to drink everyday-, I free ticket to lung cancer, courtesy of my beautiful menthol cigarettes that I love so much, and oh yes the strong and firm promise of dying from some strange decease courtesy of course... from the frightening number of women that had seen my bed. Hey!, the looks had to be of some use, don't it? -or at least it USED to- Now... now I'm only his, because I am; totally, completely and frightening HIS -not that I'm going to admit it, and above all not to him-.  
  
So, as you can see I have changed its just that not anybody can notice, ha! I think that not even my family has notice this or at least not all I've changed and its all... because of him. All right, all right, I know I don't show it to him but in my defense... some habits are way difficult to brake and no matter how much I try and try it seems that I never make it, but you know what the worse part is?... that by the time a manage to brake with my bad habit -you know the one of being a total jerk- something has to happen and bam!!, there I go again making him cry and making him feel like garbage when he really is the most precious jewel of the kingdom -hey! I'm a writer for God's sake, and a romance one. Give me a brake, ok?- the most sublime and ethereal creature of the universe, and that's why I hate myself so much.  
  
That's why I turn around in my bed at night unable to fall asleep, that's why that damn writers block appears and haunts me for days and days, that's why I can sleep... unless I have him right here with me, snuggled in my arms, I feel his warm body against mine, hearing him say my name in his dreams with a smile on those beautiful lips strawberry flavored; that's why I smile like an idiot when I feel him snuggle happily in my back just to use me as a pillow all night long while he hugs me real hard like his afraid I disappear again -one thing that I don't pretend to do again, oh no-  
  
By the way... did I told that the reason I don't wear a shirt to sleep its because he said he loves to feel my skin against his when we sleep?, no?; well it is... that's the only and true reason why I stop wearing my shirt in bed. And you didn't believe me when I said I've changed, and all because of my baka.  
  
And speaking of my baka, I just want to say that he is MINE, and MINE alone. I never being good at the sharing thing, not even when I was a little kid and that's something I'm not gonna change now. He is all MINE and I'm not going to share him... EVER.  
  
Damn!, what the hell did that brat do to me, what's in him that wasn't in that whole bunch of women that pass trough my life... and bed, specially my bed. What the hell did he do so I, the biggest playboy, Yuki Eiri wants to leave everything just to be... with him. What the hell that just with one single look, one single smile... one single caress he can reduce me to a mere bunch of Yuki Eiri pudding?, what's so different about him that every time I see him my knees are shaking and my heart beats a 1000 mph?. Damn brat!!, I swear that this has to be some sort of witchcraft; even thou in reality... I don't know, and neither do I care.  
  
Am I happy?, damn right I am!; have I told him that?... well that's a little bit complicated. Why?, well... because I'm a damn coward that's why, isn't it obvious?. I am so afraid of what might happen once I finally let myself go free and tell him how much I love and need him and above all, how happy he makes me with his sole presence. Ha! No matter what my little pink ball of energy he can't help being the most adorable thing in the face of this little stupid, God's forsaken planet, hmmm no just forget what I've just said -the God's forsaken planet, of course- 'cause if it really were a God's forsaken planet, well... my little baka wouldn't be here with me, didn't he?. What do you mean why?, well that's because his an angel that's why. Oh yeah, I'm in love; completely, totally lost and... helplessly in love... with him.  
  
Not that is bothers me, of course. I know that right at the beginning I try not to fall in love, boy did I try, I fought against that feeling like never before in my whole life, but it just wasn't enough. All my strength, all my resolution vanished with just one single look of those incredibly impressing and beautiful amethyst eyes, and you know what?... I don't care at all. Pink haired brat from hell, you stole my heart and you haven't even noticed it, haven't you?... God! I hope you know it... that you know just how much you mean to me. That you know how you sealed my destiny and that you joined us -you and me- in a journey that -I hope- will last 'till the end of time, just you... and me. For all the eternity.  
  
I know, I know; who would've thought Yuki Eiri, king of ice could be so romantic but hey! You cant write romance novels without being a total and helpless romantic yourself, 'cause I am oh yeah. My problem is that I can not express it with words the same way I do it when I write and that's one of my greatest fears, the fact that I may never be able to express to my kusogaki exactly how I feel for him and that he gets tired of me. That's right... my greatest fear is to lose my pink haired baka. But no... I just know that I can beat this damn barrier that I, myself build so effectively and that now I just don't seem to find the way of tear down, I know I can do it. I know... that I might never be Uesugi Eiri again but at least I might be able to be what my baka deserves and needs; a companion that can show him just how much he means to him.  
  
Truth to be told, I cant believe to my own thoughts, I cant believe that that brat made me feel again, that peace by peace he's restoring my faith and my confidence. No, I just cant believe that he loves me...  
  
But way cant I believe that? Well, because I know myself. But you know... I could never thank my little Shuichi enough for loving me the way only he knows how to do it, with that purity, always so giving and that... 'I don't know what'. Thank you... thank you for believing in me, even when myself didn't.  
  
Ah! My Shu-chan just got in and soon he'll be snuggling here in bed with me, of course he thinks I'm asleep and I'll be able to feel his little body against mine once more. I love that feeling, skin against skin... its never enough and I always need more and more; maybe that's one of the reasons way we have such an active sexual life, well that... and the fact that I love and adore each and every one of those beautiful sounds my Shu-chan makes when we're together, and the touch of his body against mine, and his small hands running trough all my body along with those sweet lips that never fail to be my perdition every night, and you know what? I think this is not gonna be the exception because I can feel my baka getting closer to me to use me as his pillow -as usual- and I'm not willing to let those tiny hands of him to remain lazy as they are over my back when they can easily be 'occupied' in more... pleasurable matters.  
  
It simply so beautiful how my bake never fails to blush each and every time I touch him -I told you he was adorable-. Soon I'll be one with my Shu- chan, so I think its time to quit thinking and completely give myself to my kusogaki and his 'attentions', I know I was told him he was lousy in bed, but that was nothing but a really big lie... boy he is good. Every touch, every brush, caress, kiss its delivered in just about the right time and place. My little baka knows how to please me and in fact, and judging for his reaction, I know exactly how to please him too. I think there's nothing more sensual that my Shu-chan, naked, under me enjoying... that drives me crazy and along with his caresses, guarantees that every night he becomes the owner of another little peace of my soul.  
  
Yeah, Shindou Shuichi... the cause of ALL my disasters. The disaster of my happiness, of being loved, of love... yeah, the cause of my disasters, him... and nobody but him.  
  
I tried to fight against him and miserably failed. He stole my heart and soon my soul too. He destroyed the walls of ice and indifference that I worked so hard to rise all around me with just one look... and yet, and yet... I don't seem to care.  
  
OWARI  
  
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[A/N]: Well, what did you think?, I hope its not to bad. As usual all the critics, comments, death threats and bubble gum are welcome. Don't forget to REVIEW... ONEGAI.  
  
By the way, let me know if Yuki is too OCC I hope not, even thou for this fic I based myself in what I think its going on in his mind, because in spite of his cold exterior I like to think that deep down he's a more tender and comprehensive person that what he shows and that he is terribly in love with Shu-chan. I hope you like it. PLEASE REVIEW. You can drop your comments at osiris150880@yahoo.com or osiris150880@msn.com to contact me trough MSN.  
  
::Plotless, pointless... just like me:: 


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